Like a gentleman he captured my heart, patiently waiting for me to open up to him and let him in. Never forced himself into my life, and never demanded to be in my life. He saw me choose someone else, and saw how that person let me down. He watched me fall so many times, but each time he held his arms open so I could fall into his arms. His arms so strong and so warm but yet I just could not stay. I felt like I was too young and that I would be missing out on too much if I ch…ose him. I found refuge in his arms so many times but I just could not stay, because it might have felt like the right thing to do, but it just did not feel like it was the right thing to do at that time. I had to experience the world and I had to to live a spontaneous life cause after all they told me ” you only live once”. My motto was spontaneity but spontaneity made me burn my fingers. I had never felt so empty before, I tried to fill the void by searching for refuge in the world. However I could never feel the warmth I had once felt in His arms. I wanted to feel that again, but how would I go back to him when I had left him and betrayed him so many times, how would I look into his eyes again and actually ask him to hold me once again and make me feel loved and safe. I cried out to him, I wept, and went into self pity mode. So ashamed of myself for not realising earlier that without Him I’m not alive. He instantly calmed my heart with a love letter He wrote me, and once again I felt safe in His arms. I realised that He was there all along. He had never left, like a gentleman He stood by waiting for me to let Him in again. He forgave me for leaving Him for someone the opposite of Him.His love so unconditional, not like anything I’ve seen before. He is so patient, so loving and so true, so gracious and merciful. …. ….He inspired me to write this , Jesus my Saviour, a true gentleman…
Writing down what we already know to be read by nobody…meaningless all meaningless. Why then do I write?
So the reader sees things through my eyes, a form of self expression maybe or perhaps just to seem intellectual when really all I do is writing down a bunch of camouflaged obviousness, using beautiful words.
Why then do I write, for awe’s? To inspire!? Who? Ciphers who have lost their ability to listen. Words evaporate the minute they set. Why write then if words don’t permanently mean anything, cause they are frequently repeated but still remain purposeless.
Why? Human beings are ignorant, ignorance which can only be cured by reason (hardship, ordeal, joy)…
Therefore I think a writer with a voice is a writer who gives the reader a reason to plant their words deep into their soul.
But then again, maybe it is not so much about the reader but more about the writer. Writing to me is expressing myself in a way only I know how to do, its venting, I feel free whenever I write… so why limit my writing to wanting a voice in everyone’s life, cause writing is not proofing a point, having to write what people want to hear. It is therapy, my hobby and it defines a part of me as a human being.
Therefore your passion and your individuality should be the driving force in everything you do, don’t ever loose your originality because of the lights. However you should always leave room for improvement…. be great !!!
We’re adults? When did this happen? How do we make it stop?….
Three thought provoking questions, that makes reality sink in. How did we get here, I recall memories of my childhood like it was just yesterday. Playing in muddy sand with my biggest problem being the fact that mom will give me a hiding for coming home dirty. Oh how time flies… Today there are so many responsibilities. I wish there was a book with all the answers. But how can there be when growing up is a… unique experience for each one of us. We all need to learn the steps on our own, with guidance ofcourse, but the lessons learned are our own.
Gone are the days when I was tied to apron strings, when I had to report to my parents before doing anything. As a teen I thought wow I can’t wait to make my own decisions, now I want back in the nest… how did I get here?!
At the door of adulthood, which means responsibility and the scariest part of responsibility is making mistakes…it sucks. It is no longer about you, it’s about everyone around you and how they will be affected by your choices. See muddy clothes and dancing unicorns seem more fun ey?!
Unfortunately when you graduate from high school, responsibility does not stop, we either have to face it or suffer the consequences of it. But the best part of it is knowing that how you turn out is entirely up to you… it’s a make it or break it situation.
As a soon to be 21 year old with no clue about these things really, I am forced to take a leap of faith everyday, seize the day and hope it turns out just fine…..
…to be continued. ….
Ever since I turned 19, I’ve wanted the clock to stop so I don’t turn 20… not only is it 2
decades but its 10 years away from childhood. I would step into the –ty zone
and out of the –teen zone, its halfway to 40….scary right?
I’ve noticed certain peculiarities that have manifested themselves in my life…started taking
long walks accompanied by thought provoking music. My taste in music has
completely changed, now I listen to artists that have more to say than just a
fist pumping beat. Thoughts of my future consume me these days, graduation, marriage,
work, what parent I’ll be… is this normal?
Small details matter now, unanticipatedly the overlooked has become beautiful, birds flying,
full moon, dying leaves…odd! Spending time on my own or being in the company of
people I can learn from is probably the best part of my day.
The clichéd character of my age is supposed to be a reckless party animal that does everything
without caution. I on the other hand is thee exact opposite. I’m socially
awkward and would rather listen to music in my room than be out there dancing
in a club, also I over analyse almost everything and I’m a rule follower.
“Enjoy your days while you’re young” they say, my biggest fear is having a mid-life crises
at forty and wishing I had taken this opportunity to be a regular teen, and not
a goody-two-shoes. I look back at my life and I can’t remember anything I’ve
done that was completely crazy or so to say spontaneous.
Twenty means being thrown out of the nest and made to fly, at a point I was thrilled to move
away from home and experience the world for myself. But now that the
opportunity has presented itself, I want back in the nest. Today I wish I cherished
the days mom was so overprotective because now I’m almost on my own. As a
soon-to-be 20 year old I’m supposed to be self-reliant; however I’m still very
much tied to apron strings.
Then there is my love life, which is somewhere between a 10 year old’s imaginary boyfriend
fantasy and a forty year old single woman with a bunch of cats. I fear that I might
end up alone because I’ve raised the bar so high. I’m still waiting for that
one I’ll be proud to become one with to find me. I want to have more than the
stereotypical relationship… I want an endless love.
At some point one just has to let go and move on, because no matter how painful it is it’s
the only way we grow. Therefore ill take each day at a time and hope that it
will all work out for the better. Bring it on twenty… I think!!!
I can remember a time when I felt like I didn’t belong, when I felt like I want my voice to be heard so badly. I felt like I had so much to share with the world, as opinionated as I am, I looked for ways I communicate with people but I never found any until I oneday decided to write about it. When I took that pen and paper I didn’t know where to start I had so much to say, when I started writting words came from everywhere, I wrote,I just couldn’t stop. For the first time I realised that I have found the perfect place for my voice to be heard. On this paper, where I don’t need anybody’s approval, where nothing matters, in my own little bubble writting and expressing my views on absolutely everything and anything. Freedom finally, finally I was just myself, my awkward opinionated self. I suddenly had the best conversation ever, a conversation with myself,priceless, on this paper I received the best advice… On this day I realised that writting is my passion because it comes naturally to me, I don’t have to give it much thought all I have to do is be myself. Writting made me realise that I don’t need the world to hear my voice, I don’t need the world’s opinion on what I feel, I don’t need the world to like me. It made me realise that I need to hear my voice, my voice from deep within. I need to be free..
And that is how started writing…